Longing and Tears
by hiki-is-doomed
Summary: Cagalli-Arthrun onesided chap 4 discontinued
1. i hate rainydays

TEARS IN THE RAIN

It was almost 6 pm in the afternoon, the rain poured down on the streets; tiny drops of water until it became so hard. The breeze was cold bringing chills to my bones even though I was wearing a pink jacket at the corner with him at my side. He sheltered me with his umbrella. He stares at me, smiling tenderly. I took a glance and begun to blush and immediately look down at my shoes that are soaking wet by the rain. He took hold of my arm and said _"Cagalli, Look at me."_ he said gently. I scowled at him but I was just pretending. It was a fake. He never reacted even though I gave him that, he's still smiling. The same smile that made me fallen for him for years. _"Come, let's go and eat. It's my treat!"_ he said while he hauled me to walk._ "Never mind, I'm still full"._ I said while taking few steps away from him and back to the corner were we used to stood up a couple of minutes ago and I wrapped my arms around my shoulders _"It's cold."_ I was all washed up, the umbrella was thrown away, and my hair was in tangles. _"Let's go I'll bring you home, you're freezing here…"_ he looked worried and grabbed my hand, tried to pull me another time. _"I don't want to! Stop caring about me, ok!"_ I yelled at him and he just stared at me once again, with that smile. _"Ok, if that's what you wanted."_ He got the umbrella in the rain.

I felt what I did was wrong. I shouldn't shout at him like that. Maybe at this time he's mad at me for doing such thing. I know I was so stubborn at times, one thing that people doesn't like about me and I also hate it but I can't control my temper. I take a quick look at him, he was just standing there. He doesn't talk. I was afraid, I don't know. I never did this to him even before. As I trembled in the corner because I felt so cold he laid his hands through my hair. He brushed my hair with his fine, gentle hands and said _"You look stunning today"_. I look shocked. I mean, what can he see in me? I didn't look attractive enough with my wet pink jacket, tangled and devastated hair-do. _"Are you in your right senses?"_ I exclaimed. He just stared at me and gently touched my left cheek. My face blushed as he was about few inches from my face.

He always do that 'staring thingy' as if a have dirt on my face. _"I'm not kidding…" _he said gently. He got my hand and embraced me in his arms. It was a quick move, I didn't noticed it until I realized that I started to hear his heartbeat pounding fast right through my ear. _"This can't be! Can it?"_ I thought while he held me around his arms._ "No… I didn't want this to happen."_ I said but what I really feel is contradictory to it. How I long to feel his hug. I need him, I wanted him so much. I wish this time would never last anymore.

As he hugged me, words came out accidentally in my mouth. _"I love you"_ it was just a soft squeaky sound and I don't know if he heard it. _"I love you Arthrun"_ I said it once again…I want him to know how I feel for him, but I can't. I just let my chances slip by. I don't want this to happen again.

From the rain, hundreds of footsteps splashing came nearer. He immediately released me from his tight embrace. I saw him change his position and looked at her. She doesn't see what happened lately so she doesn't know about it. He opened the umbrella and transferred it to hers. I saw him kissed her forehead and held her hand with his. He was so sweet to her. I felt a wrenching sensation inside my chest. I suddenly can't breath at that instance.

"_Sorry if I keep you two waiting, I just lost my report. Good thing I have a backup file with me"_ she smiled at both of us.

"_That's Ok, so shall we go now?"_ He said sweetly to her

"_I think I got to go"_ I said softly, interrupting into their conversation

"_Why in a hurry?"_ she said to me

_"Ummm… I'll be meeting with my friends by this time, so I have to get going"_ I tried to tell them a reason to escape and leave both of them.

"_You can't go, it's still raining."_ He looked at me

"_It's just tiny drops of water, it will soon stop. Besides I'm also wet."_ I laughed even though my heart is crumbling into pieces.

"_Take care Cagalli!"_ he told while he waved his hand up to the air to say goodbye to me.

I left them there together. I remembered his heart was filled. They've been for about a year, it's so stupid of me! As I walked in the slippery streets, on my way back to my apartment I'm not aware that I was crying. My tears were falling down on my cheeks, and gush out from my face without being heard as it drips silently unto the ground. It was just about the rain that made me unconscious about it.

I know I can't fill his heart no more… because it's too late for me… I wanted him so much but what did I have done...?

"_You're there but not really. You're mine but not really. I'll never really own you, so I'll never really lose you. I suppose this will always gonna be. I have you, you have me, but still NOT REALLY."_


	2. loneliness

In the Apartment

"I really wanted to tell you how I feel but… but I'm too shy…still…even if a have this chance to say that I like you, you like someone else and it's still pointless."

* * *

As I walked straight in the aisle going back home to my apartment, tears in my eyes continuously fall. Sad to say I didn't recognize it. My chest is crumbling in pain…jealousy…envy…? I thought of a million times to forget about my 'dumb retched feelings'. I tried, I was doing it perfectly. Everything runs smoothly but as soon as he is always there. _"Darn! I hate it!"_ I must avoid…

* * *

I returned to my apartment. My body and clothes are both wet so I decided to have a shower. After a few minutes I put my new clothes on and sat beside my sofa and lied down. I forgot to check the telephone if there were voice calls when I was gone. Yes there is a recent voice call, the phone signaled a red spot. I clicked the button…

"_Ei! Cagalli, are you there?... I called you on your phone a while ago but you're not answering it. _

_Ummm… OK, the reason why I called is that you have forgotten your notebooks inside my bag. I'll be going there ok? wait for me… Bye, take care!" _he said then cut the line

I stared at the windowsill. _"He's coming"_ I thought while I looked at the dark gray sky outside; the rain is still pouring but heavier than earlier._ "Nope he's not…coming…with this condition…" _

Someone knocked at the door. I peep through the door hole and I saw him outside. I vaguely smiled… he's here. He was waiting for me to open the door; I was standing in front and hesitated to open it. I remembered what happened a few hours back then down the streets at the corner of the school gates. I take a deep breath and gave a deep sigh.

"_Cagalli...?" _he knocked again at my door

He thought I'm not there, so he started to walk away… "No!"…I immediately opened the door. He was shocked seeing me; he turned back and smiled…

"I thought you're not at home yet" he smiled gently then leans on my forehead

"…_are you ok...your pale…"_

/"there he goes again…"/

"_Yes I am alright!"_ I frowned at him

"_I think… you have…a fever."_

"_No way! Darn it! Stop staring! Get away!" _

I turned my face away him, blushing once again.

"_I don't have fever"_

I let him sit on the sofa. I made him a tea; he likes tea. I twist my head to see him; he was silently sitting on the couch.

"_I better get you some tea…"_

"_No Thanks Cagalli, you don't have to mind. I will be here just a couple of minutes to give you these."_

He opened his bag and gave me the notebooks and my list of reports.

"_Here you go!" he said _

_"next time don't ever leave without your things…" _he smiled

"'_coz you will really be in great trouble if you left it somewhere else…"_

"_Ya, right!" _I frowned at him again

* * *

After a couple of minutes-

"_Are you going somewhere else today?"_ I asked

"_not really, I'll just meet up with Lacus in the restaurant." _He gleefully answered

"_OH, it means you have a date with your girlfriend…today…._"

"It wasn't really a date…ok…sort of"

I took a sudden gulped in my seat.

"_Well you better get going now."_

I smiled but I was again faking with him.

"_But I guess she's not there yet…and our scheduled time is 7:00 pm, it's still early…" _he said_  
_

_Sudden Silence..._

"_it is not pleasing to keep a girl waiting..." _I'm irritated

_silence again..._

He bowed down...he stood up from the sofa, and clutched his bag to his shoulders.

_"ok..so, a have to go now…I don't want her to wait if she's the one first to go there."_

* * *

I showed him to the door

"_Yes. Bye…"_ I waved my hand outside my room apartment and then closed the door.

_"take care... "_

After a while I heard someone knocking again. It was him. He returned to give me something.

"_arthrun?"_

"_take this"_ he handed a tablet to me

"_what is this?"_ I asked

"_medicine…"_

"_for what?" _

"_in case you'll have a fever."_ Then he walked away silently into the corridors of the apartment.

I wanted to call his name out and ask him if he will be back later, 'coz I'm feeling very lonely… starting to get sick…

here…alone again inside my room.

I closed the door and run to the mirror and look at myself. I am pale, he was right. I check myself, my body was hot. I remembered about the tablet he gave me in case I'll have a fever. I took it and it taste like sweet strawberry candy . He always knew what I like.

After it I went to my bed, and take a rest.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED

I wasn't supposed to continue it anymore but the 1st Chapter ended up so bad. Sorry I'm not really good at making 'HAPPY ENDING STORIES'…


	3. Reminisce

Reminisce

"_When I'm alone with my bad crazy thoughts, I worry about what you think of me"_

"_Even though I suppress it in my head I can't do anything about my heart. I don't let you notice it when we meet so it can be normal how I plan to talk to you…"_

I didn't take any nap, I was just relaxing. The flavor of chewable strawberry tablet still melts inside my mouth…by the way, it wasn't a medicine it's just a candy. LOL …I know cause he had given me thousand times before!

I laughed and stopped for a moment…

Suddenly, I caught a time to reminisce about a past that made my life change…it was just so long-long time ago why did I ever think of it now? sigh

…_it's because the tablet that he gave me?…._

_Strawberry…_

silence

_I remember… It's just like yesterday…but…actually…_

…_3 yrs ago…_

…_when I was still in freshmen_

FLASHBACK:

I and Arthrun were studying in the same school even before but we were not into special connections like what we are now as bestfriends. I see him more than twice or thrice a day but we don't know eachother. He's in another section and I was too.

He was cute, nice, kind, popular and excels in his studies…he always gets the top rank in the school's billboard. Arthrun was a typical average cute boy. These are some possible reasons that pushed me into liking him much… but at first it was just a slight sentiment…

…like 3 yrs ago, it was also a rainy season when I first met him right in the front of the school gates. I was waiting for the rain to stop. I was half wet and dump because I have no umbrella. I didn't brought it because I thought the day was fine. It's almost 5 p.m... I wanted to cry, it was getting dark and freezing…I'm alone everyone was out. Then someone pulled the back of my backpack. It was him. He was giving me his umbrella.

"_here, use this."_

I was feeling so embarrassed because he looked at me with pity…

just like now I was just as stubborn before and denied to take it from him.

"_No thanks, this just take a few minutes" I said_

"_awww….are you sure?"_

"_too sure!…"_

silence

_Oh, come on… you're now wet…" _

"_it's ok…"_

He looked at me with gentle eyes as I continued speaking

"…_I don't accept things from strangers". I replied_

"_but I'm not a strange to you…I'm your schoolmate and we always see each other in the hallways". He smiled_

"_yeah ,you are my schoolmate but I don't really know you"_

His gestures change and it seems that he wasn't happy about my reaction. He grabbed my hand and lend me his umbrella while he was all soaked in the rain…

"_here just take this…"_

"_uh- -"_

There's a loud hum of a car Beep-Beep!

"_don't be too shy…" he smiled and runs away into the rain_

"_stop!" I shouted and followed him but he just immediately disappeared_

In the next day after classes, I was in the hallway walking; I was waiting for him to pass by and give back his umbrella but I saw him right at that spot!

"_Hey! here's your umbrella." I said, and as I was about to go _

"…_by the way thanks." I said_

I looked at the sky and it's turning to dark gray then little drops of water poured and started to rain again and splashed me on the head.

_/darn, I hate rainy seasons/_

"_Oh no!"_

"_oopps, here it comes again!" He laughed_ _and opened the umbrella and offered me a hand_

"_my nana won't be picking me up. So come, let's walk home together." He smiled_

"_no thanks"_

"_planning to be wet again?..."_

silence

"_then…?"_

"…_you don't even know where I live…" I frowned_

"_yes I do"_

"_how did you –"_

"_I just knew about it…" he laughed_

"_lier" I shouted_

"_then, I'll show you…"_

/how did he knew where I lived? Ummm…it's because the apartment that my family used to live is just half blocks away from their house./

I was a little timid when we were in one umbrella, two kids who didn't know eachother is now going home together. I didn't spoke any word, I just continued walking.

_After I arrived at home, he said softly "I have something to give you"_

"_what is that?"_

"_you like eating candies?"_

"…_.yes…!"_

"_then, I'll give you this…strawberry tablet"_

"_for what? I guess you'll be asking me a favor after this?"_

"_No! ummm… no…really! "_

He handed me one strawberry tablet

"_you like it?...if yes I'll give you loads tomorrow!" he laughed_

"_huh, no need coz I won't be seeing you again" _

"_nope, we'll see. i'll find you"_

"_for what reason?"_

"_coz i'd like to…"_

My face turned slightly pink when he was staring at me after then I took my eyes away from him and frowned.

"_don't look like that!"_

He laughed seeing my expression

"…_I have to go now! bye!see ya tomorrow"_

"…_ummm…bye…" I waved my hand to him_

I feel like were so close to talk like that….never in my life I felt different…

By that day and so on, we used to walk together not only during rainy seasons but everyday after classes too. We talked and played together as many times during the day at the playground. Get to know eachother more better…until we became bestfriends…and my feelings for him is gradually changing.

"_yes, I like him"_

But for the present times, like these past few weeks I and Arthrun barely walk home together now… barely do things like we used to before; it's just that- -there is an instance that I don't want to be with him anymore coz I'm becoming an annoyance.

He walks with his girl now… his always with her… so- -I have to move out…

but felt so alone.

"_crazy…I get so emotional thinking about my feelings…"._

END OF FLASHBACK

TO BE CONTINUED

sigh sorry if I kept you waiting for the 3rd chapter to come out… I was just to busy with my studies and scheduled practices. There's no time to write and think about it but I'll do my best so that you won't be angry with me… I'll be keeping you updated with the next chapters to come as soon as possible.

P.S. thanks to the people who read and gave a review on my story…I really appreciated all of your comments. Arigatou Gozaimasu


	4. AN

**Author's notes:**

**Omg… **I'm back… and **alive** offcourse… hehee…**! Gomen nasai (a thousand times)**! I left the story hanging on chapter 3. btw, it was a long long long… soooo long time I haven't write any… really! After a year or months I guess… please don't kill me… TT I was just so busy with my studies that I have forgotten to write the chapter 4… well, no! I finished the chapie but, too bad… cries the computer had a virus…. Mmmm… better make up to you all as soon as possible… I won't promise when but It will just come as a surprise! Yeah!

Ps. at this time I'm working on my **projects**…**so soooooorry**...


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